Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

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Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by edmondj »

The Old World was gone; long live the New World!

But in this particular alternate universe, time had gone on pretty much undisturbed, the such called "End Times" had not come to pass and the decades long fragile stability was still around.
The Gods of Fate were extremely puzzled by this. They had called Nagash on the phone, but had been sent to voice mail and due to his absence, none of the things that were bound to happen had actually... happened.

Not usually quick to action, they took hasty decision; another instrument of Fate had to be appointed. But hasty leads to wasty and instead of carefully preparing a champion and changer of worlds, they ended up giving divine avatarhood to Bonsai, a nine foot tall treeman who had everything, except a clue. This is the story of how his actions put the world in a far more sorry state than what had originally been planned for it. No small feet.


Chapter One: Bramble Beginnings

Bonsai looked up with a jolt. Something had happened. While he couldn't say that he felt stronger, quicker or more capable, nor smarter or wiser, he nevertheless felt something. More... powerful? It was as if a great yet unspecific purpose had come and cloaked itself around him. He knew not what he had to do, but he knew he had to do it! And so he rose, from years of slumber as if in a trance. To the nearby wood elf outpost of Singalinga he went and as he walked, flowers sprang up from where his feet touched the ground. Birds were drawn to him like magnets and it looked as if the entire forest conspired to majestically create a scene as he arrived at the front gate of the town.
The cinematic effect was somewhat spoiled then, when he rang the bell and "yankee doodle came to town" started playing. It was a gaudy version with accordions and assorted animal sounds. Horrid.

Eventually the door opened and the wood elves, awed and respectful of his great presence, welcomed him in their midst.
In ages past, the treemen and the elves had often spent time together, but this had become increasingly rare. It was one of those things, wherein both involved parties constantly express their desire to "see each other more often" and yet somehow, it doesn't happen. Nevertheless, traces of their long cooled friendship remained and the treemen remained welcome sights to the elves.

"Dear friend elves," said Bonsai, "I have come bearing warning. A band of Orcs is marching this way and will attempt to raid your village in ambush. I have come to offer assistance". As he spoke the words, he wondered how they had formed in his mind for he had had no prior knowledge or conjuncture of any of this.
The elves were understandably shaken and grateful and quickly decided to send their town militia, such as it was, together with the benevolent giant to intercept the raiders. The town consisted of a dozen or so glade guard, a handful of extra talented scouts and a small unit of skirmishers. The town leader, a wise and respected spellsinger with a strange affection for heavy metal music would take charge of them during the skirmish. They called him priest, a sort of moniker he had earned long ago, but that is another story. He had a morose streak, sometimes came across as pedantic and could turn lemons sour just by looking at them. Nevertheless, he had a good heart and was, when all was said and done, a kind soul and competent administrator. His name was Judas.
The newly formed warband moved onwards and forwards. And once, when they accidentally entered a dimensional anomaly, outwards and sidewards. But eventually they arrived at the place where the orc raiding party was supposed to be. There, they found nothing.
So Bonsai shrugged his shoulders, apologised, and offered to walk them back home, an offer which the slightly annoyed elves accepted in ill-grace. One or two remarks could be heard suggesting that maybe their own town would be gone as well when they made it back.
But as they arrived at the gates of the town, they heard a horn being blown in a single note, piercing and shrill and not at all like their own refined musical tastes of great American classics in accordion versions with assorted animal sounds. The orcs were truly there! Somehow, they must have missed them the first time round.
As Judas started ordering the troops around, the final actor of this play comes on to the stage. For Xena, the Barbarian Dancer Elf, famous heroin of song and legend, action figure available ltd, had been, unbeknownst to all involved parties, stalking the raiding party herself. Hell-bent on charging the entire troupe with just her trusted bodyguard of Wildwood Rangers, 'the Anxious Axes', she now saw that there could be support to her cause. So at the last minute, before the battle proper was to start, she went over to where the Glade Riders were preparing their own ambushing manoeuvre and offered her support to them and their elk.
While several of the glade riders swooned at seeing such a celebrity at arm's length, a quick promise of a photoshoot session after the fight was sufficient to get the disciplined elves back in line and not suffer any extra delay.


BATTLE 1

Army lists

Wood Elves (1,000):
"Judas" Lvl 2 Metal Singer 115
"Xena" Shadowdancer with glittering scales 125
14 Hagbane Glade Guard 210
5 Trueflight Glade Riders 110
10 Wildwood Rangers, full command, banner of eternal flame 150
5 Scouts 65
"Bonsai" Treeman 225

Orcs and Goblins (999):
"Grizzlebelly" Orc Warboss, Armour of Silvered Steel, Luckstone, Talisman of Preservation, Potion of Foolhardiness, Great Weapon 221
"Cork" lvl 2 Orc Shaman 100
"Stinkyfoot" Goblin Big Boss on wolf, light armour, spear, enchanted shield 56
"Snottynose" Goblin Big Boss on wolf, light armour, spear, charmed shield 56
8 Wolf Riders Full Command (shields) 126
10 Savage Orcs with banner (ahw) 100
10 Savage Orcs with banner (ahw) 100
10 Black Orcs with banner and musician (shields), gleaming pennant 155
Rock Lobber 85

Deployment

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Eager to get to grips, the wolf riders moved fast forward, before even the battle had started. At the same time, the scouts snuck close to the savage orcs and the Glade Riders made a wide ambushing manoeuver, doubtlessly in order to take out the rock lobber, which presented a big threat to the town defences.

Orcs turn 1

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For the second time, the horn pierced the birdsung sky with its deafening bleat. Grizzlebelly had been surprised by the hastily thrown together defences, but was not overly worried. He carried an oversized choppa, certainly not for compensation's sake, but simply because he had loved playing Final Fantasy Seven as a boy and something of nostalgia had stuck. More importantly, he carried so many pieces of armour, that he felt quite invulnerable. In fact, he had never even been wounded in combat before. He was slightly worried by the treeman, but well, in the worst case he could still throw some of his black orc guards in its way.

And so he moved forwards. He himself, his second in command shaman Cork, their black orcs and the Goblin twins with their wolf rider escort, all moved according to the carefully designed (at least, by orc standards) plans. The savage orcs had other ideas though. The ones on the right started it by saying something about the mommas of the ones on the left. These latter responded by throwing Grunchmoar's lunch back and this so insulted the orc that got the peanut butter sandwhich on his face that he actually smashed poor Grunchmoar's head in. The loss of a single orc was lamentable, but the delay this caused could prove to be catastrophic.

The magic phase saw the shaman trying to cast the "Gaze of Cork". Judas quickly made the ancient sign of his order (make a fist but put your pinky and index finger out) and dispelled the magic harmlessly.

Next up, the stone thrower aimed for the treeman. The shot veered off however and, oh no, a thousand fifteen year old elf boys nearly had a heart attack, as it seemed that Xena would be right under the landing spot. But such was the devotion for this famous elf hero that one of her anxious axes anxiously (or, some cynics said afterwards, accidentally) pushed her aside. After the dust had settled, a loud cheer arose as did she, unharmed. Three rangers were however lying splattered on the grass.

Elves turn 1

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Aware of the wolf riders threatening their flank, the rangers and Xena reformed and stood facing the incoming fast cavalry, if such a category could be applied to goblins wobbling on wolves. Bonsai meanwhile, had a clever plan. He made some quick mathematical calculations, based on the current speed of the black orcs and an estimation of their stamina, then projected where they would more or less end up and moved himself forward so that, well they could just about reach him if they really ran for it, but most likely would fall short (they needed a 9 to make the charge).

Judas then tried to turn the armour of the black orcs into lead, which would certainly cause them to fight poorly. Anticipating the treeman fight, Cork dispelled this evil magic. But in doing so, he had no power left to dispel the following spell. Searing Doom went off and fried three of the lumbering black orcs.

Finally, the glade guard shot at the savage orcs on the left, killed 2. The scouts killed another savage orc from the unit on the left.

Orcs turn 2

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Charges all around! Grizzlebelly was eager to get into combat and while he knew that the chances were not too high, he tried to make it to the treeman anyhow. However, a lackluster performance of his unit saw them just move forward up to about only halfway there. Meanwhile, the wolf riders crashed into the rangers and the left savage orcs, orderly moved forward at marching speed.

But the nameless orc with the peanut butter sandwich face was still not over his rage. "Charge the enemy!" he cried and he raced towards the enemy scouts. This puzzled his mates, because the plan had been to advance a bit closer first. The entire unit lost valuable time trying to sort things out. The heated argument was initially not helped by the scouts' stand and shoot reaction, until one of their arrows landed right in the eye of poor sammichface, killing him outright. Two other orcs had also been killed by the waywatching aspiring scouts, but somehow their talismanic tattoos had revived them. (Crazy dice rolling here). In the end, the unit was barely closer towards the enemy and the battle was already one third over.

The Magic phase again saw the Gaze of Cork dispelled. But the shaman wasn't done yet. He produced a spider from his pocket and coaxed it into biting his hands, which consequently grew to enormous size. The Fists of Cork meant that the treeman would now face up to nine strength 6+ attacks (warboss plus shaman). Would Bonsai Banzai, was the question everybody asked?

The Rock Lobber was both a huge success as an enormous failure for the orcs, as it didn't misfire a single time in the entire game. However, apart from the first shot, it didn't actually ever hit anything anymore, either.

Next up came the first combat of the battle. Considering the possible consequences, this could turn decisive. If the goblins broke the rangers, they would probably hit Bonsai in the flank. Immune to thunderstomp, they stook a decent chance of holding him up, leaving room for the souped up shaman, warboss and black orcs to come in and finish the job.

Snottynose, with the charmed shield giving a good chance of at least negating one hit, issued a challenge. Xena considered accepting, but knew that she needed combat resolution and so opted for fighting the rank and file. It fell to the Ranger Champion to duel the Goblin Big Boss. Battle between mighty giants, this was not.

The Ranger hit twice, but the charmed shield blocked one hit and the other failed to wound, leaving the champion with nothing to show for his efforts. Snottynose however, hit only once, but thanks to the extra strength of the spear in the charge, it turned out to be enough to kill his opponent.

Xena meanwhile was doing the Killing Blow polka. She killed two regular goblins and finished a third one with a killing blow, his head flying through the air in a perfect Fibonacci sequence swoop. The judges awarded her only 8 points out of 10 though. Just as she was going to ask why, one of the goblins stood up again, apparently, one of her regular hits had bounced off the armour.

The Anxious Axes did their thing. They killed three more goblins. This meant five were dead in total, with only the ranger champion on the other side. How well would the survivors strike back though?

As it turned out, quite well. First, Stinkyfoot managed to strike two rangers down. Then the surviving goblins managed another two kills. The wolves were the only underperformers of the bunch!

In the end, five kills on each side, which meant the weight of the charge gave the goblins the edge. The fate of the world (or at least, of the town of Singalinga) hung in the balance, but the rangers held firm (I rolled 2 and 3).

Elves turn 2

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The Orcs had nearly broken the core of the army last turn. But ultimately, they had failed and now was the time for the payback.

The turn started well with the Glade Riders appearing by the side of the rock lobber. Bonsai semi Banzaid, opting not to actually charge the black orcs, but still block them (as well as redirect them should he fall) from reaching the fragile glade guard. The scouts shuffled back a little, trying to keep the savage orcs from easily reaching them.

'Priest' Judas first got rid of the oversized fists of the shaman. Just too darn dangerous, not to mention ugly, to leave around. After this, he still managed to cast Searing Doom, but the Shaman had been ready for this and had more power at his disposal for dispelling the spell. At least, that was the plan, but Judas struck a power chord and the spell went off like a man wearing Axe Deodorant. That is to say, irresistibly. The feedback on his amplifier wounded him though. He was still better off than the three smoldering black orcs that fell down charred and dying.

The reduced number of bodyguards remaining meant that the glade guard now had a chance to wound the characters. Their shots were puissant and another two black orcs fell, reducing the unit regulars to two, the banner bearer and musician. The warboss got hit as well, but the hit bounced off his mighty armour. The Shaman however, took a hagbane arrow to the knee, which swelled up as much as his hands had been. This wound however, unlike the aforementioned fists of Cork, was not likely to help him much in combat.

The scouts shot some more arrows at the still squabbling savage orcs, but this time to no effect.

The wolves had failed to break the rangers on the charge and while there were only two left (and Xena of course), they were still in trouble. Only Stinkyfoot and Snottynose had any real combat prowess. Xena challenged this time and Snottynose, hoping his enchanted shield would, well, shield him, accepted. This time, Xena went for the Mazurka of Many Attacks, hitting four times out of five, and seeing two wounds turned by the armour. A perfect kill with just the right amount of effort involved, rightly rewarded by the judges with a nine out of ten.

Everyone else had apparently been watching Xena, because the rangers, Stinkyfoot, the goblins and the wolves all fumbled their own attacks. This meant the wolves had lost by two, promptly turned tail and ran a huge distance away. The trio of Xena, Standard Bearer and musician Ranger tried to pursuit but could not catch the escaping wolves.

Orcs turn 3

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For the first time in the battle, the orcs suffered no animosity, proving once and for all that sammichface had been the instigator of all things riot. If victory was to be achieved, this was the turn to do it! But the wolves failed to rally and fled a bit more, (but the map doesn't show it, sorry)

The newly disciplined savage orcs charged the scouts (again) but failed to make it (again). The stand and shoot reaction killed one more (again). Cork the shaman then had a discussion with Grizzlebelly. Grizzlebelly wanted to charge the treeman, but Cork, on one wound, didn't fancy this. They were discussing whether or not the black orc unit could make the charge sans shaman, leaving him behind. The shaman would then join the advancing savage orcs after they marched up close. Cork produced a big red book which had a reputation of ambiguity and did not disappoint this time either. Still, in the end, it just made sense that this should be a possible manoeuver, so that's how it got done.

The Winds of Magic produced yet another round of Gaze of Cork being dispelled. This left the shaman with enough dice to summon the fist enhancing poisonous spider again. But aware of his single remaining wound, the shaman decided for prudence and rolled only two dice. Which promptly came up 12. A single S6 hit would kill the shaman outright, except that the to wound roll came up 1. Extreme dice rolling on either side, resulting in a poof, a whimper, and not much more.

The Rock lobber lobbed its rock and hit nothing, and that was that.

In Combat, the quick and nimble Bonsai struck before anyone else, much to his own surprise. So much so, that he flunked four attacks out of five, and killed only a single black orc. He had deliberately targeted the black orcs, because the warboss seemed untouchable with all his armour. Therefore, the road to victory lay in creating combat resolution through killing sidekicks. So much for the plan. The great weapon wielding warboss then threw 5 attacks (potion of foolhardiness) at strength 8 at the treeman. Whoops. Luckily, only two attacks hit, causing two unsaved wounds.

The regular black orcs proved quite incapable, missing with everything they had. Finally, six thunderstomp hits on the warboss (Bonsai had given up by now of actually winning the combat) wounded three times, but nothing actually went through completely, though the hits did sap the luckstone of its power.

Wounded twice, against a charge and a banner, Bonsai had embarrassed himself in this combat. But stubbornly held the line.

Elves turn 3

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The Glade Riders charged the Rock Lobber, the Fabulous Trio charged the Wolf riders again, who fled some more. The scouts continued their backwards shuffle in order to keep the savage orcs occupied.

Judas realized that the savage orcs were now close to the glade guard, so he cast the transmutation of lead on them. The orcs, despite having nothing of iron or steel of notice, suddenly found themselves to be worse fighters.

But the spellsinger needn't have bothered, as the regiment of glade guard turned a desperate situation for the orcs into a virtually lost one. Out of fourteen shots on the savage orcs (including Cork), eleven hit and all seven remaining models wounded. A single orc had so much delusional belief in his crudely drawn "tattoos" (really, he had drawn them himself with fluorescent text marker) however, that he just stood up again, ignoring the arrow that had pierced his skull and, for lack of a better word, brain.

The scouts killing yet another savage orc from the unit slowly advancing on them seemed almost irrelevant, at this point.

The glade riders meanwhile were really, really eager about that promised photoshoot and so obliterated the poor goblins defending the warmachine. But the real clencher would be the fight between Bonsai and Grizzlebelly.

The two remaining black orcs, thinking that they wouldn't survive another round of attacks anyways, decided to fight with hand weapon and shield, giving them the first strike (and a potential lifesaving parry safe). It was good reasoning, but poor execution, as they flunked their own attacks and moreover, got slapped to death regardless. The warboss managed another wound on Bonsai, who was now close to peril and consequent demise. Thunderstomp only hit twice and failed to get through the armour once again. Still, the warboss lost combat and had to make his LD test, which he did comfortably.

Orcs turn 4

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The orcs finally got some good news as the wolf riders rallied. Moreover, the remains of the army had, despair settling in, abandoned all ideas of animosity.

Cork had ran off to hide in the fresh unit of savage orcs that had arrived nearby, but a deadly volley of the glade guard had suddenly reduced this unit to a single lunatic. Who, lest you forget, was by now close to brain-dead from an arrow stuck through his temples. In fact, this overzealous fanatic failed his frenzy test and as such was forced to charge the glade guards, dragging the wounded shaman with him. Cork swung his red book around, hoping once more to stretch the rules of conduit in battle and leave the unit before the charge. But this time, the gods ruled it was not to be.

So charge they did, the frolic, roguish duo, into the stand and shoot volley which left little to the imagination. It also left little of the two orcs.

The other savage orc unit was now finally close enough to the scouts that a charge actually made sense. Of course, they still failed anyhow. The only tidbit of luck was that at least this time, the stand and shoot proved ineffective.

Despite being the only mage left, Judas didn't manage to achieve anything with the winds of magic this turn.

The battle between Bonsai and Grizzlebelly had now truly turned into a de facto challenge, as it was one on one. With Grizzlebelly's WS6, T5, 2+ and 4++, the odds were definitely in his advantage. Bonsai was confident however, and lured the greenskin into a false sense of security, by yet again hitting only a single time. Needless to say, this hit didn't achieve anything. Part one of the plan executed, Grizzlebelly now thought he had it in the bag and so started toying with Bonsai. Quite on purpose, he missed with all of his attacks. This was it! The moment to strike! The moment of glory!! Bonsai rolled for his thunderstomps … rolled only 1 hit, but against all odds, managed to make it stick, past toughness, armour and ward. Grizzlebelly turned into grizzlejelly and turned tail and ran, only to be caught by Bonsai. Like a beetle on the floor, squatted by the oversize foot of an oaken titan, a single stomp had brought the warlord down!

Elves turn 4

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Well, the battle was nearly over but there was still some mopping up to do. Xena charged the remaining wolf riders and Bonsai positioned himself so that the remaining savage orcs could not catch the scouts. The glade riders rode south, mostly because arrows on a map give the reader a feeling of dynamic and exciting things happening.

As a last act of magic, Judas once again cast transmutation of lead, diminishing the fighting skills of the remaining savage orcs.

Though the glade guard proved accurate again, their shots largely failed to wound the orcs this time. Only a single one fell, with another one going down due to the scouts.

In combat, Xena wanted to repeat the Killing Blow Polka, specifically, she wanted to teach its finer points to Stinkyfoot, who accepted the challenge and was marveling at the subtlety involved even as his head went flying through the air, body not attached.

The two rangers killed one more goblin, but one of them got eaten by wolves. Yes kids, I'm not making this up. The remaining gobs also wounded the standard bearer, but crucially, his light armour carried the day. This turned the combat from a draw lost on musician, to a win by two. The goblins fled again and this time, were caught by Xena and her remaining faithful anxious axeman.

Nothing was left of the orc raiding party, but for a handful of savage orcs, who had survived by effectively not participating very much.

Orcs turn 5

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Well, the remaining four savage orcs did not have to worry about animosity, so that went fine.

Having read the honourable code of bushidorc, they decided to go out fighting. And as such, charged the treeman standing close by.

Their own attacks all missed. Bonsai killed three of them with his strike back.

A single survivor was left to deal with thunderstomp. A six was rolled for number of hits.

As the foot descended, time seemed to freeze. Like a glacier moving through millennia, Murktooth saw the movement of the approaching limb and had just about time enough to bemusedly think to himself: "Funny, I never realized that treemen wear pantoffles."
Last edited by edmondj on 13 Jul 2015, 06:37, edited 1 time in total.
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Billthesurly
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by Billthesurly »

Bravo! BRAVO! Most excellent! A nice battle report and a hilarious read rolled into one. Well done indeed. Kudo's all round to cunning Judas, beauteous and bewitching Xena, mighty Bonsai and the stalwart defenders of Singalinga!

An excellent example of a good and simple battle report paired with an interesting and humorous story.
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by Nicholas Nitro »

Excellent work, this is how you write a battle report!
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by Hyarion »

Well done. nice read.

It doesn't seem like Judas did much for you during the game, would you replace him with anything?

Do you think a Treeman was too many points at this level?
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edmondj
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by edmondj »

Billthesurly wrote:Bravo! BRAVO! Most excellent! A nice battle report and a hilarious read rolled into one. Well done indeed. Kudo's all round to cunning Judas, beauteous and bewitching Xena, mighty Bonsai and the stalwart defenders of Singalinga!

An excellent example of a good and simple battle report paired with an interesting and humorous story.
Thank you Bill. I've always considered you to be one of the nicest people on these boards, so I really appreciate the kind words. I hope the story will keep on being fun, the idea is basically to just link some battles together with this army. Depending on where the narrative goes (I have only very vague plans so far), the army might grow or shrink a little, but the essence should remain. Did you catch all the puns?
Nicholas Nitro wrote:Excellent work, this is how you write a battle report!
Thanks for the comment, praise is the diesel that keeps a battle reporter going :nod:
Hyarion wrote:Well done. nice read.

It doesn't seem like Judas did much for you during the game, would you replace him with anything?

Do you think a Treeman was too many points at this level?
Interesting questions Hyarion. I plan to write a short tactical resume after every battle anyhow, but let's discuss Judas and magic here for a second. I think Judas did one essential thing very well. He kept the Orc magic down. The orc shaman was rather unlucky with his spells for the battle, as Fists of Cork is situational at best, particularly for a hero level shaman resting on a single wound. The elves could therefore focus on dispelling the direct damage of Gaze of Cork, which kept the glade guard intact, which led to the demise of the savage orcs, taking the shaman with them. So yes, I feel that the wizard paid back his points on this alone. Of course, the lore of metal is not the most favourable choice against the lightly armoured orcs. But it's supposed to be an all round list and a low level metal singer with searing doom is something the wood elves can always use, especially if not loading up on waywatchers. And with a treeman heavy focus, there's no option there.

Speaking of which, the treeman is probably not an optimal choice at this points value level. But well, that's the advantage of non-competitive play, you bring what you like and just have fun with that! The whacky adventures of Bonsai, but without Bonsai, who has been written out of the plot after contract disagreements with the producers, now that just doesn't sound right, does it?
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by edmondj »

Battle 1: The Aftermath

As I mentioned above, I would like to step away from the narrative for a few seconds after each battle. This allows us to discuss some tactics and strategies, without breaking up the flow too much. At least, I hope.
It also permits a metadiscussion. So these after-battle posts will hopefully contain some reflections on the thread itself (like, do I find the pictures to be the right size, is it good or bad to occasionally mention the dice rolls during battle. And so on).

So let's discuss battle 1.
In short, I feel that luck (or fate!) was certainly with the elves. The orcs just never got going. Starting with the spells they got. Then animosity in turn one, turning two (out of four) units immobile. The Wolf Riders vs Rangers was a very close combat with the elves hanging on by a lucky break test and the orcs had deserved more there. Then Grizzlebelly against Bonsai. I should run a statistical test to see who should really come out on top. I feel the warboss should have had the advantage. Of course, the failed frenzy test (on LD 9 from the general) forcing the wounded shaman to charge into a rain of arrows. And finally, the rock lobber hitting everything except the enemy.

So as far as tactics go, there's not a lot to be said.

But still, some general remarks and questions could be raised:
  • * During the battle, I completely forgot about tree whack. The warboss having initiative 4, do you think it was worth it?

    * At 1,000 points, I felt the table to be too big. This too favoured the archery heavy elves more. If anything, I feel that warhammer battles work best in the 2,000 - 3,000 range.

    * A question about the rules. I tried pointing it out in the battle report itself, but I don't know how clear it was there. When the black orcs wanted to charge the treeman, the warboss and shaman were in their unit. For the warboss, this was ok, but the shaman wanted to leave the unit. But leaving a unit is supposedly done during the "remaining moves" subphase, which happens after charges. So the way I see it, strictly speaking, the shaman was forced to join in the charge. In the spirit of the game, this felt somewhat wrong and so the shaman was allowed to "stay behind" while his unit charged. Then, the savage orcs moved and then finally, the shaman moved to join these latter. How would you deal with this situation? And then, later on, the same situation happened with the one remaining savage orc. But here, the charge was obligatory because of frenzy. Does this change anything do you think?

    * That shadowdancer is a huge load of fun to play with. At 125 points, she's expensive and vulnerable (the glittering scales only help so much). But boy, she's flexible and has some serious killing power. For fun games, highly recommended!

    * Savage Orcs. To me, they represent one of the potentially strongest units in the game. At 90 points, you can field a unit of ten with 3 attacks each. That's 20 attacks in combat, which moreover come at strength 4. They're also better protected than witch elves, with toughness 4 and a ward save. However, the frenzy makes them easily redirected. The scouts really proved this point in this game. Usually, you can have the inspiring leader bubble of the general to help your frenzied units pass leadership tests, but orcs get it extra rough here, with animosity causing the lines to quickly disrupt.

    * Treeman. I wrote a big article on the tactics of treemen. This battle proved the point quite well. Treemen don't cause a lot of damage, but they can soak it up. And with stubborn and high LD, they become excellent tarpits/anvils. Of course, the first order of business will be to turn Bonsai into an Ancient, but that will take a while, I guess

Anyways, thanks for reading!
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by Hyarion »

edmondj wrote: * During the battle, I completely forgot about tree whack. The warboss having initiative 4, do you think it was worth it?
That depends was it the warboss' armor save that was giving you problems or the ward save (he had a 2+/4+ if I remember)? It certainly could have helped get around that armor save, but I try to steer clear of things that do dX wounds as being unreliable (magic spells being the exception).
* At 1,000 points, I felt the table to be too big. This too favoured the archery heavy elves more. If anything, I feel that warhammer battles work best in the 2,000 - 3,000 range.
At 2000 points you are more likely to have the wiggle room to take a variety of units (archery, cavalry, scouts) so matchups get a bit easier, it didn't help that your opponent pushed his wolf riders so far out and then darn luck that he couldn't rally them. If anything I might shrink the width of the table to 4' to help protect flanks for a 1k game, but I do believe that the 4' depth to allow for adequate space between deployment zones is important. If your opponent was an Empire player with a unit of Pistoliers, Handgunners, and a cannon or HVG, I imagine the table would have felt fine.

I'll add that while there is plenty of room for variation in lists, read my sig, each army needs to play to it's strengths. I think your opponent tried too hard to just take a bunch of hammers instead of going for a bit more target saturation and got caught in his mistake by a bad matchup (lots of shooting with a great anvil).
* A question about the rules. I tried pointing it out in the battle report itself, but I don't know how clear it was there. When the black orcs wanted to charge the treeman, the warboss and shaman were in their unit. For the warboss, this was ok, but the shaman wanted to leave the unit. But leaving a unit is supposedly done during the "remaining moves" subphase, which happens after charges. So the way I see it, strictly speaking, the shaman was forced to join in the charge. In the spirit of the game, this felt somewhat wrong and so the shaman was allowed to "stay behind" while his unit charged. Then, the savage orcs moved and then finally, the shaman moved to join these latter. How would you deal with this situation? And then, later on, the same situation happened with the one remaining savage orc. But here, the charge was obligatory because of frenzy. Does this change anything do you think?
His shaman should have charged with the unit.
* That shadowdancer is a huge load of fun to play with. At 125 points, she's expensive and vulnerable (the glittering scales only help so much). But boy, she's flexible and has some serious killing power. For fun games, highly recommended!
Agreed!
* Savage Orcs. To me, they represent one of the potentially strongest units in the game. At 90 points, you can field a unit of ten with 3 attacks each. That's 20 attacks in combat, which moreover come at strength 4. They're also better protected than witch elves, with toughness 4 and a ward save. However, the frenzy makes them easily redirected. The scouts really proved this point in this game. Usually, you can have the inspiring leader bubble of the general to help your frenzied units pass leadership tests, but orcs get it extra rough here, with animosity causing the lines to quickly disrupt.
That's one area where Orcs are reliant on target saturation, both to screen their better units and to prevent a frenzied unit from making a charge.
The Warrior of the Silver Flame
I hold the Glaive of Law against the Earth.

If you refuse to capitalize on your strengths or make the most of your opponent's weaknesses, you are begging to lose.
There is no combat without movement.

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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by edmondj »

James Leinster was in a happy state of mind. This will change soon but for the moment all was fine. He was lying in the Jacuzzi drinking champagne, in the holiday retreat he had rented for his family. It was their first holiday after he had suffered the accident that cost him his hand. Still, the prosthetic replacement they had given him seemed to work fine for handling his flute.

They had been lucky. This kind of luxury retreat was typically well above their financial capacity; but the capitalist High Elves from the Waysahton corporation had been offering grand opening promotions, doubtlessly a plan to create an artificial hype. Moreover, they had constructed the entire resort with hyper leveraged loan shark money, so they needed the venue to generate a cashflow fast! Well, that was fine by him. The Old World needed some modernising and as far as he was concerned, Luxury Holiday Retreats were just the thing.

His wife Cecilia and the kids, Tom, Geoffrey and Myranda were in the living room watching tv. Some kind of reality show. He let them to it. He submerged himself completely and listened to the distorted sounds from outside. When he could no longer hold his breath, he resurfaced, gulped for air and made bubbles in the water. Yes, all was well and good.

****

"What? How? Why?" the usually eloquent Judas, metal spellsinger of the second oval stumbled. Mentally counting to five, he tried again. "Let's start with the why. You say you need money, but why?"
"It is very simple, my new friend" Bonsai replied, "the world is quickly moving towards a catastrophe and I plan to stop it. But I need to be a Treeman Ancient if I want to have any chance at all. Life magic will be the key to preventing it".
"Yes, well, granting for a moment that what you've been saying about being chosen by the Gods of Fate is true, then I still don't understand. You're a young treeman, I'm afraid you'll have to wait some millennia before you will begin to feel any affinity with magic."
"That is what they like you to think! Oh, the party bureau likes to revel in their whimsy of being all wise and deserving of their powers. But really, it's all about money."
"How so?" Judas asked, dreading the answer, for he was suspecting its nature. Nor was he incorrect.
"It's basically a yearly fee," replied Bonsai. "You pay, you get an invitation ticket to play with the big boys. The entire access to life magic is regulated by the party committee. They only have so much of it going round and distributing it to all treemen would basically leave us all incapable of doing more than heal paper cuts. Small ones, at that. So they have something called vegetal rights management. And since every new treeman added to the group diminishes the power of all current holders by a fraction, it's a lot of money we're talking about".
Judas sighed. It's not that he was ungrateful. Bonsai probably had saved his village and he really was grateful for that. But it had turned into an overstayed welcome. Yesterday afternoon for instance, the lumbering giant had showed up unannounced at little Windevelde's birthday party. He had eaten half the cake and drank all of the cola on his own, leaving fifteen crying toddlers behind. As a gift, he had brought a basket of acorns. Then he had feigned surprise when he found out the wood elves don’t actually eat them.

And so on. Now, there was this crack-brained scheme of acquiring assets, as the treeman called it. Still, it was clear that there was something akin to fate there. The orcs wouldn't even have been discovered before half the village was slaughtered and yet, instead, they hadn't suffered a single villager casualty. Only Xena had lost a few Anxious Axes, but there always seemed enough fifteen year old fanboys around, waiting to fill their place.
Judas made a decision. Yes, this could work out well. He could probably get the treeman out of the village by offering him his support. And by doing so, he was also ensured of close surveillance. If Bonsai turned out to be a charlatan, then he could easily be left behind as soon as the moral debt for saving the village was worked off. If on the other hand he really was working towards preventing the end of the world, then he needed all the support they could give.

"The High Elves, Bonsai, Waysahton they might be the key to just…"
"… Are you calling me fat?!" Bonsai cried. He had been dozing off the last few minutes, while Judas was reflecting upon his choices, but was now wide awake again.
"Uh, no, of course not, you're a very handsome treeman" Judas reorganised his discourse: "I meant that there is a High Elf corporation called Waysahton, they exploit a holiday resort not far from here. There's actually been a legal dispute about it, because the land officially is ours. They've basically just occupied and colonised it and are keeping it by force of arms. If we could expel them, we could take over. Split the profits fifty fifty and you'd easily have enough for your Ancient Subscription."

Bonsai smiled widely and the rest of the evening was filled with planning and final profit division negotiation.

****

"Xena? We're looking for someone called Xena Smallbr…" the mailman cried, before he got interrupted by a sword against his sternum.
"You've found her and if you know what's good for you, you won't ever call me by that family name again". Xena waited until the mailman blinked his eyes so as to show comprehension, then lowered her sword.
"Sorry, miss, I forgot. They had warned me at the agency. Anyways, here's your fanmail."
"Leave it on the table."
"Thanks miss, I'll be going then".

Xena waved him away, but then suddenly an idea hit her. "Wait, tell me something. You work full time for the Wood Elf Postal Service?"
"Yes, miss, ten years now. At w.e. post we post everything," the lad proudly cited the company slogan.
"And you all work through carrier hawks?"
"Indeed. In fact, there's three of us visiting the town for the mail delivery right now. We're also having a spare bird in training along, too."
"Tell me boy," Xena said with a vicious smile, "have you ever thought of using your flying skills for the purposes of combat? For glory and honour, instead of swift parcel delivery?"

Xena herself had been mightily impressed after her last combat. She had listened to Bonsai and, while she didn't believe a word of his self-Augustine prophesising, she had realised that here was a zealot out for destiny. Her hopes were that tagging along, she could get the opportunity to fight stronger opponents. Snottynose and Stinkyfoot had hardly been the calibre hero she was looking for.

And so, gangpressed into service, a unit of newly baptised novel warhawk riders (and one lone bird still in training) joined the ragtag growing band of Bonsai, Judas and Xena. Three unlikely companions who, despite differing ambitions, were working towards a common goal.

****

The holiday had been going really well. Only this morning, James and Cecilia Leinster had visited the nearby local picturesque Elven tower. While they had certainly enjoyed the priceless antique elven glyphs scribbled all over the walls, they had mostly been impressed by the spa retreat and beauty centre located in the basement. After all, what was some streetpunk graffiti, when compared to a peachy skin?

As they were getting ready for their afternoon nap, a sudden crashing sound could be heard. Then there was silence. Just as they were about to shrug their shoulders and go back to sleep, a ruckus began. When they went to look out the window, they saw that a wood elf warband had assembled and was for all the world, looking ready to charge their bungalow. Moments later, they saw the High Elves who had been presented at their arrival as the condominium's technical staff, fully dressed in fancy armour and carrying silvery weaponry. Just what in seven kinds of blazes was going on here?

As the battle began, the noise grew louder and louder. Unable to continue their afternoon nap, the Leinsters got outside, furious and looking for someone, anyone, to complain to!

********


Battle 2: Scenario, Army Lists and Deployment


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The battle will largely follow the rules for the standard Battle Line scenario. However, there is one exception. Disturbed from their holiday repose, the Leinster family participates as a "neutral" unit. Neutral being a relative term. In fact, bloodthirsty maniacs who don't differentiate between which elves they're harassing would be a better way to put it.

In any case, at the beginning of every turn, move the Leinster family 3D6" in a random direction. If a "Hit" is rolled on the scatter dice, then the unit instead remains where they are, doubtlessly partaking in a family game of Pictionary.
Since both opposing armies consider the Leinsters to be "assets", in other words, money on legs, they cannot target the unit in any way. No charges may be declared against the rogue family, nor can they be targeted by shooting or magic attacks. Attacks that scatter and hit the family "accidentally" are still valid and in fact, players are encouraged to try for this tactic, as it really is an obnoxious bunch of people.

Moreover, if the Leinsters touch a unit somewhere during their move, then their move stops and they are considered to have "charged" the unit. The unit suffering this fate cannot even fight back as that would be bad for business. Make the attacks of the Leinsters, who have WS2 and S3 and A1, remove any casualties if sustained and calculate combat results (the receiving unit by definition only gets their static bonuses). Also remember that, for steadfast purposes, the Leinsters are five people and so constitute one rank. James Leinster is considered a unit champion and will always issue a challenge. Nuts as they are, the Leinsters however will never pursue a broken unit. The Leinsters themselves can lose combat and if so, they will immediately flee 2d6" away from the combat. But they cannot be pursued, not even by units normally forced to do so (frenzy e.g.). They will still move randomly again next turn!

The Leinsters count as an enemy unit (for either side) for the purposes of scouts & vanguard & marching and so on.


Army Lists

Bonsai's Band

Judas, metal spellsinger of the second oval
Dispel Scroll
140

Xena, Shadowdancer
Glittering Scales
125

14 Hagbane Glade Guard
210

5 Trueflight Glade Riders, Banner, Eternal Flame
130

10 Wildwood Rangers, FC, Banner of Swiftness
155

3 Warhawks
135

5 Trueflight Scouts
80

1 Eagle
50

Bonsai, Treeman
225

Total; 1250


High Elves

Laceluv, Elven Prince on barded steed with Dragon Armour
Merwyn Shield
Giant Blade
Reaver Bow
287

Lolzor, level 2 Beast Mage
Dispel Scroll
145

Ninasimone, BsB on barded steed with Dragon Armour and Lance
Enchanted Shield
Golden Crown
141

11 Archers, Banner
120

10 Archers, Banner
110

5 Silver Helms, FC, Shields
145

15 White Lions, FC, Gleaming Pennant
230

Eagle Claw
70

total: 1248




Hope you all enjoy this sneak preview, I hope to have the battle report proper up after the weekend.
Cheers!
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by Hyarion »

Giant Blade *and* Reaver Bow? That seems like an odd choice.

I like the addition of Warhawk Riders to this list.
Sounds like this will be a fun read.
The Warrior of the Silver Flame
I hold the Glaive of Law against the Earth.

If you refuse to capitalize on your strengths or make the most of your opponent's weaknesses, you are begging to lose.
There is no combat without movement.

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edmondj
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by edmondj »

Chapter 2: Trouble in Paradise

Wood Elf Turn 1

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"Do you see anyone that looks like an authority?" James Leinster asked his wife, Cecilia.
"Well, I don't know, there's one guy over there that really stands out. Don't know if it's a streak of authority, but it's a streak alright."
James followed his wife's pointing finger. There, in the middle of a typical looking bunch of wood elf archers, a middle aged man dressed in a schoolboy's uniform and holding an electrical guitar, was duckwalking up and down the field. James felt sceptical, but well, he had to go and complain to someone. "All right then, kids, you come along too. It's time we show them the Leinsters don't let anyone walk over them."


Having seen Judas from afar, the Leinsters moved sharply in his direction. This posed an immediate problem. Depending on how their random move went in the next turn, the wheeling could force them to charge the glade guard. Now, the Leinsters are obviously not much of a combat threat gamewise, but were intended in the scenario as an extra hindrance, something you had to consider. So I decided to move the glade guards a little back, so that they were safer. I'd get a -1 to hit in the shooting, but I felt it was worth it. Remember this smug attitude of mine when it comes back to haunt me some three paragraphs down.

On the left flank, the eagle and scouts both advanced. This move was mirrored by the warhawks on the right. Turn one and it already felt as if I was enveloping the opposing army. Neat. The warhawks obviously had the plan to take out the bolt thrower. The scouts were there to harass the white lions. Marchblock, potshot and flipping the finger, kind of things.

Over in the centre, I did something quite nifty. I advanced the rangers slightly less than their maximum allowance, which permitted me to put the treeman in front of them, thus providing hard cover from the enemy archer base to my most fragile parts.

The magic phase saw a less than average five against three dice. Unfortunately, Judas was, thanks to the shuffling, now effectively outside of the range to cast searing doom on the silver helms. I five diced plague of rust on the white lions (I wanted to keep the silver helms heavily armoured, hoping to get searing doom off in a subsequent turn. Moreover, the lions currently had a 3+ against shooting, so it seemed like a good choice). Unfortunately, the spell got dispelled irresistibly.

The shooting phase turned out to be a disappointment, with the glade guard taking out two archers only. The scouts and warhawks managed zip all. I was now in the open and had to weather at least one barrage of heavy high elven fire.

High Elf Turn 1

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The Leinsters decided to move towards the centre of the field. The random dice had decided to, at least for the moment, turn them into a tactical aspect of the game, rather than a goofy one. Such a disappointment!

The High Elf commander clearly put a lot of trust in his ranged section. He repositioned his archers, leaving them vulnerable to charges, but expecting them to take out much of the enemy's fighting prowess before said charges could hit home. He also moved up his white lions, starting their trek across the field towards the glade guard.

Then, he did something debatable. I think he probably felt at risk of being outmanoeuvred, having only four mobile units against six. So he decided to create some more. Both the BsB and the General left the silver helms and decided to participate as lone rangers. The Bsb went to protect the rear of the white lions, which incidentally would make for a fabulous Japanese engrish language mistake. You know, where they don't really know the grammar or orthography but think it's cool anyways. Was it 'roar' or 'rear'? I don't know, but 'rearing' is something animals do right? And before you know it, you have billboards announcing the latest rock sensation, 'the Rear of the White Lion'. With logo. The general, who apparently did have a grasp of spelling, decided to go the other way.

Now, both of these characters were well protected and combat ready, so I don't think it was a mistake as such. The wood elf army did not have a lot of single character sniping potential, so there really was an argument in favour of this move. However, it also made the silver helms a complete liability. Suddenly, they were about as combat capable as the Leinster family, without the special unbreakable combat rule, albeit protected by heavy armour.

The magic phase saw five against three dice again, though the high elf mage managed to channel some extra power. He promptly went for a four dice boosted amber spear on the treeman. This was big trouble. The spell went through with high numbers, but critically no double sixes and Judas was quick to grab a scroll from his pocket and began reading it: "100 grs of Salami. 200 grs of Gouda cheese. 1 packet of Fetherli… hey now, wait a minute, this is the wrong scroll!" He then took the actual dispel scroll from his other pocket, and the spell which would likely blow up Bonsai, fizzled out. The treeman wiped the fear sweat from his brow, turned back and stuck up a gnarly thumb to the wizard. They then did an air high five and lightly embarrassed all bystanders.

It was now time for the dreaded shooting phase. Which proved to be overhyped. All archers shot at the warhawks and failed to cause a single wound. The bolt thrower manager two and the general with his reaver bow succeeded in finishing off the wounded straggler. A single casualty with 28 shots. Not bad.

Wood Elf Turn 2

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The battle was heating up now! The Leinster family apparently realised they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, because they tried looking inconspicuously while gracelessly shuffling backwards.

This meant that the playing field opened up completely and so charges were declared! Bonsai charged the characterless silver helms, who elected to hold, not terrorised, and rely on their armour. The we-post warhawks then charged the archers with the high elf mage, hoping to assassinate the only enemy magic user. We'll talk about this decision in the post-battle tactical reflection. The Anxious Axes moved closer up to the other archer regiment.

Magic kept on being rather feeble. This time it was four dice to two. Judas, slightly annoyed that his preferred searing doom target was again unavailable, this time locked in combat, targeted the white lions instead. The spell went through, the high elf mage saw that it would take a miracle to dispel it and considered the likely damage against the lions not to be high, so he made no effort to contain the magic. Still, two white lions died, boiling alive in their melting armour, like lobsters in a pot. With the little power there was left, Judas then tried to cast plague of rust on the lions, but he couldn't get the spell to materialise.

The shooting phase proved disappointing yet again. The Glade guard and scouts only felled a single white lion and the warhawks had opted for a combat role, slinging their bows deftly on their backs, like fashionable manbags.

In combat, Bonsai did the bare minimum needed. By killing a single silver helm, he turned a combat lost by rank and banner into a marginal win (charge and kill versus banner). Moreover, this cancelled the steadfast status which proved crucial for even with the BsB nearby, the cavalry turned tail and ran away. Bonsai restrained himself and faced the archers, ready to help out the warhawks in a following turn.

Not that it came to that. For the archers managed two more wounds on the warhawks during stand and shoot and then proceeded to deal out the remaining four wounds in combat, which critically meant that the hawks (who don't have ASF) didn't even get to strike back. The rider facing the regular archers left his spear behind, planted in the eyeball of an unlucky individual, even as he himself fell dead to the ground. But the other one failed to do a similar trick to the wizard. In short, it was a disaster. The entire unit got wiped out and killed a single archer in return for their ambition. Fortune favours the bold, but greed and pride are deadly sins.

High Elf Turn 2

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James Leinster had finally given up on finding someone else to talk to. He walked over to Judas and tugged at the sleeve of his shirt. "Excuse me sir, are you in charge here?" "What, you dare challenge me?" Judas, redcheeked from all the duckwalking at his age, blurted out. "I accept your challenge and we will fight to the death!"

Judas was not universally known for accepting challenges. But he had taken one look at the maimed family man and thought that finally, here was someone of his own calibre. No longer would he be the bullied, it was his turn to become the oppressor! Hah!!

James, meanwhile, found it all bewildering. He was angry, true, but not particularly violent. He just wanted to talk to someone in charge, to explain that they paid good money for their holiday. That they had rights! But the deranged middle aged lunatic in front of him (who was getting so winded that he looked perilously close to hyperventilating) just kept foaming and frothing and drips of spit flew into his face. Well, enough is enough. James pushed Judas aside, which apparently was taken as a signal by the rest of the family, who went into a bloodthirsty rage and slew three nimble elves. Not bad for an accountant, a toddler, an angsty teenager and a dopehead.


The turn had started well for the high elves and after last turn's success, it was the moment to capitalise and seize the advantage! The good news show continued with the Silver Helms rallying, reforming to face the scouts. The general then put himself in place to take on Xena and the anxious axes all by himself, thus protecting the archer contingent.

Meanwhile, the high elven mage abandoned the first archer regiment and joined the second, better protected one. The left behind archers faced the incoming treeman, but there was a plan behind this initially highly dubious manoeuvre. Definitely, the BsB positioning himself for a flank charge was part of it!

The second part of the plan went awry when another boosted amber spear failed to gather enough power to overcome Judas's dispel attempt. Instead of a depleted treeman, they'd be facing a healthy one, fit as a whistle and ready to run a marathon. Figuratively speaking, of course. Still, the essential third part of the plan went great. Having used up all the dispel dice, Judas was powerless to stop Wissan's wildform on the archers, who suddenly looked like they should be able to hold against the treeman.

In the shooting phase, the archers tried to whittle down Bonsai's wound marker through more conventional manners, but failed to do so. A single bolt was strong enough to hurt him, but his barky armour saved him from that one, also. The general fell two rangers with his reaver bow, while the archers behind him downed one more. The bolt thrower crew realised that the next threat was the eagle moving towards it from the left flank, but only managed to wound it a single time.

Wood Elf Turn 3

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The Leinsters were getting more and more frustrated. They had hoped to discuss politely yet firmly with what clearly seemed to be a figure of importance in the wood elf army (maybe a royal jester or something?). But this had proven impossible. Still, there were some high elves getting close now, so we may as well ask those!

With that, the Leinster family charged the white lions. Unfortunately they failed to do any damage. Still, the rest of the turn could still bring needed deliverance.

To start things off, Bonsai charged the wildformed archers, knowing full well that he was leaving his flank open to a countercharge. But such is the way of the treeman. Or at least, of this particular enthusiastic member of the species. Xena, eager to get to grips with a true combat hero, spurred her companions on and they all charged the enemy general, who tried to draw his bow in a stand and shoot reaction, but quickly discovered that he wouldn't have the time to fire anyhow. Oh well, no worries, he then drew his magical sword Blingbuster, which had been made from the toenail clippings of some ancient giant or somesuch. The mould and other kinds of fungus that had since grown on the dirt collecting piece of discarded body had grown so potent, that any hit with this weapon would strike as if with the strength of an actual giant! The downside was of course, that it looked quite rancid, which explains why there was still no action figure of this otherwise competent fighter available.

The glade riders meanwhile still failed to show up, making wood elf players reading this all over the world shake their heads in empathy, as they all have suffered this fate before.

The magic phase was yet again a five versus three dice affair. Judas was now in range of the silver helms, who had obligingly reformed after rallying just so. This meant that a single spell was cast in the form of a boosted searing doom, which went through despite the high elves' best dispelling efforts. All young cavalry nobles began boiling alive and even their poor and innocent horses, wearing mithril barding, were not safe. Not understanding what was happening, they shrieked and reared (not roared) and thrashed as their horsey armour turned into skin melting liquid. Sorry for the graphical violence kids, but I'm trying to get my 16+ rating here somehow!

The shooting phase saw both glade guard and scouts without easy targets. They all aimed at the 1+ armour save BsB, hoping to get a wound through here or there. A single wound actually did make it, but the Golden Discoball of Atrazar flashed in a myriad of colours and somehow, caused the wound to go away in shame and despair. At least, the discoball's power would be drained for the rest of the battle…

In combat, the archers found that even wildformed, the treeman was too tough to hurt. Bonsai had some difficulty as well, felling only a single warrior through his regular attacks. He thunderstomped another two to dead though, which again meant that the archers lost their rank and steadfast by a single wound. This was quickly becoming his patent 'highest reward for least effort' move. And despite the general and BsB standing close by, the archers fled at full speed away, a measly three inches to safety. Needless to say, Bonsai caught up with them and trampled them all. They make such a lovely sound you know, like walking on freshly fallen snow, a delightful crunch crunch. And just like snow, they leave a sludgy mess hanging on your boots. Or in Bonsai's case, pantoufles.

In any case, this also brought the arbory giant in contact with the other archer regiment, the high elf mage bearing the full brunt of the treeman's wrath.

Now, Xena immediately issued a challenge and the general, arrogant, vain and proud; and jealous that the shadowdancer actually did have an action figure available, accepted. The anxious axes all took their foldable chair from their backpacks and seated themselves around. Having nothing to do but to watch, they booed and cooed and cheered and leered. Dreading the Elven Prince's Toenail Blade, Xena went for the Waltz of the Ward Save. She herself hit twice, wounded twice and managed to sneak one of those wounds past the impressive decorative armour of her opponent. Suddenly though, the latter's shield grew slippery and snakelike and wrapped itself around Xena's sword and cancelled out the last wound.

"What was that?" Xena whispered in disbelief, looking aghast at the shield, as it regained its original form. "Surprised?" the Elven Prince smirked. "It's my Shield of the Merwyrm, got it as a prize in a bingo a few years back."
"Shield of the … Merwyrm? Sounds suspicious to me," Xena replied unconvinced. Then, she put two and two together and the proverbial penny dropped. "Merwyrm … you mean like an eel?"
"No! A Merwyrm is a mythical beast, noble and twenty feet large, you ignorant fool!"
"So really like a big eel then?"
"Just shut up and fight"
The prince, furious about his shield being discredited, fought back with vigor, but found that Xena's glittering scales made it hard to even hit her. In the end, she had managed to avoid all of his attacks!

Which meant that the rangers won the combat on the charge and a rank. The general held his ground though and the challenge between these two mighty warriors would go on at least another round.

High Elf Turn 3

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The loss of the archers and silver helms in the previous turn had been a big blow. But the battle was far from over and if anything, there were ample opportunities for regaining the advantage. Especially because the Leinster family, probably on drugs or something, cannonballed back into the glade guard for yet another epic challenge between James Leinster, systems analyst and holiday ruined father of three; and Judas the Priest, Wood Elf Metal Mage of the Second Oval and all around nutcase.

That combat turned out to be a completely underwhelming thing though, with no damage at all being caused. Still, the white lions moved closer again and the BsB charged the treeman in the flank.

In the magic phase, the high elf wizard found that he no longer could cast his amber spear, having lost his opportunity to do so by being forced into combat. He still managed to get another Wissan's wildform through, hoping that with the help of the BsB, this unit of archers would fare better.

Only the bolt thrower was operational during the shooting phase, but it did what had to be done. The eagle that was preparing to charge it got kebabbed and would fly no more. Alas, the animals in this battle report are clearly not safe!

In combat, The BsB charged in with his lance and managed to wound the oaken gladiator. It was something, but less than hoped for. The archers including a desperately fearing for his life mage, also failed to make it past the wooden armour. Bonsai then allocated all of his attacks on the mage, who got beaten to a pulp with another wound in overkill. His thunderstomp put another archer down. Nevertheless, due to the flank charge and the presence of two banners, he still lost combat, but stubbornly refused to run away. No hero, no large unit, no flank charge would force him to run, for he was Bonsai, the great.

Remember these words kids.

The Elven Prince and Xena continued their duel and the shadowdancer this time opted for her tried and tested killing blow polka. While she did manage to land two wounds that even the shield of the big eel could not save, the final decapitation shot failed to materialise. The judges awarded a solid eight out of ten score, which neatly sums up how everyone (barring the prince) was feeling about it. Good, but not great.

The prince himself also managed to score a wound, which left both combatants on their last legs. This truly was an exciting face-off.

Wood Elf Turn 4

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The Glade Riders finally showed up and promptly shot at the bolt thrower, really preferring to charge it but not being allowed to do so just yet. Still, they must have been really fired up, because they actually brought the T7 machine down (trueflight arrows, not hagbane! Just a lot of sixes on the 'to wound' roll).

The Leinsters walked around a bit in no real direction and the glade guards took the opportunity to get out of the way of the white lions.

The scouts moved somewhere as well, but their role in the battle had pretty much degenerated into psychological support by now. I know, we're all just wanting to find out what happens between Xena and the Prince (now there's a fairytale in there somewhere!), but formalities have to be respected.

Judas decided to help out the combat units (he had no targets for Searing Doom) and succeeded in making the BsB's enchanted shield rust a little. This proved crucial because suddenly, the modified armour save of 4+ (from 3+) meant that Bonsai killed the BsB with his regular attacks. He then thunderstomped six (!) archers to dead. Meanwhile, the High Elves had failed to cause even a single wound. The obvious result had the two remaining archers run for the blue yonder, Bonsai trying to catch up but this time failing. This, by the way, was a very stupid mistake. The archers needed insane courage to rally and besides, there were glade riders and scouts still to take care of them. Bonsai on the other hand, should have reformed to help out against the general, if that proved necessary.

Reverting to her safe Waltz of the Ward save, Xena, thank the heavens, managed to save the prince's single wound that got through (I rolled exactly the '3' I needed). The judges awarded such precision with a solid 9.3

Unfortunately, the defensive dance meant that Xena herself failed to finish off the prince. This was fine though, as he was continuously forced to take breaktests on the -1LD of the Anxious Axes' rank. He was also continuously passing them though.

High Elf Turn 4

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The High Elf army was virtually shattered, with only the general and a unit of white lions remaining. The two archers, predictably, fled the field. The Leinster family participated in the torpid atmosphere and moved nowhere really important. The shooting phase was inexistent. The magic phase was inexistent.

The white lions charged the glade guard, but these elected to tactically withdraw, letting the rest of the army come near.

The only really exciting thing happening was the ongoing duel between Xena and the Prince. The Killing Blow polka revisited saw Xena hit twice. One hit failed to wound, the other came up a six. The shield of the big eel morphed and snakelike shaped, was going to intercept the blow, but at the last possible moment, the battery ran out and the prince's unattached head flew away from his shoulders, with a mild look of surprise in the eyes. Thus, proving once and for all that anything you win at a bingo is a hand me down from someone who didn't want the darn thing anymore in the first place; and usually for good reason.

However, as the headless body fell to the floor, the toenail blade bounced back up and stuck Xena in the gullet. She would survive, but was out of the battle as well. A tiny moment of inattention at the gates of triumph had spoiled her victory and she would still feel, later on, that she had not yet proven her skill in battle.

Wood Elf Turn 5

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Enough is enough. James Leinster had spent the past several hours running around trying to find someone he could complain to and no one had listened. Well, there was one creature around that looked big enough to be called important and he was going to tell the walking tree just what he felt of the entire situation!

So the Leinsters charged the treeman and James politely knocked on what seemed like the least offending area of trunk. "Excuse me sir, can I have a word?" Bonsai however was so spooked and moreover, the human had tapped him just where his rheum sensitive spot was, which sent a jolt of pain through his body, that he shrieked a high pitched wail of terror and in a complete state of panic ran away from the evil enemies that were hurting him


So yes. The leinsters charged Bonsai and managed to cause a wound on him (something two thirds of the high elf army had failed to do). He then failed his LD9 stubborn break test. Never underestimate an angry customer!

Apart from this embarrassing debacle, the rest of the army moved, homing in on the oblivious to their surroundings white lions.

Judas then, after rallying with his glade guard, cast another boosted searing doom on the lions. The spell went off irresistibly, causing four infantrymen to boil alive. However, the resulting detonation killed three glade guard archers, as well as wounding Judas himself.

High Elf Turn 5

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Well the Leinsters had clearly had enough, moving towards the board of the table. No one was interested in them and they would have to take up their complaints with the local ombudsmen.

The white lions charged the glade guard, who decided that another tactical withdrawal was too risky now. Their Stand and Shoot reaction killed two of the enemy though, which meant only six remained. The nine first striking glade guard however, only managed to kill a single more in combat, which meant that this time, the damage caused was just not enough for the archers to be steadfast. The lions killed two glade guards themselves and also clobbered Judas unconscious. They won combat easily and the leaderless wood elves had to break test on a 5+. Which they did, thus sealing the lions' doom.

Wood Elf Turn 6

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The Leinsters indeed decided to leave the combat, moving off the table. Well, good riddance to them! Still, they had proven highly entertaining for the most part. And which systems analyst can claim to have made a treeman run away in terror, squealing like a little girl?

The Anxious Axes, finally free of their shadowdancer with an inferiority complex, charged the handful remaining white lions. The glade guard killed two, the remaining three high elves failed to do much in return and were themselves cut down by their axe-wielding woodland brethren.

And thus ended the battle. Bonsai had succeeded in securing financial assets in the form of a rentable holiday resort. The wood elves had fought bravely and had carried the day. But here and there, some frustration lingered on. None of the three leaders of the army had finished with their entire reputation intact. They avoided each other for a few days, while wounds were healing. But they all knew that they would have to have a serious discussion with each other. To discuss future plans and vent frustrations.
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by edmondj »

Hyarion wrote:Giant Blade *and* Reaver Bow? That seems like an odd choice.

I like the addition of Warhawk Riders to this list.
Sounds like this will be a fun read.
Hi Hyarion. First of all, thanks for the feedback after the analysis of battle 1. I think I agree with about 100% of what you're saying. Good way to evaluate the treewhack option, too!

As for this game, the Reaver Bow/Giant Blade combination is a little like taking strangleroots on a treeman. I'm not really in favour of it, but it has its merits. Here, too. The bow did for about 33 points value in damage, so in that regard it was sort of break even. But there's two disadvantages. First, you're taking out 25 points of magic item allocation, something elf characters tend to need. Still, the prince had S7 and a 2+/4++ in close combat thanks to the cheap Merwyrm Shield. But it's certainly a tailored choice, as against warmachine heavy armies, it's a huge liability. Second problem and for me the biggest one, is that the bow hindered marching. With barding, you're either marching or shooting. I think the prince would probably have done better without the bow and a more generic ward save, or with the points allocated elsewhere. As it is, wanting to fire the bow kept him moving slower than he could have.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for the bigger post battle writeup!
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by Billthesurly »

Another amusing winner in the battle report category. And it doesn't hurt at all that I am now beginning to see actors in the parts - Graham Chapman and Terry Jones (in drag) as Mr. and Mrs. Leinster for instance. (Yes boys and girls, old Monty Python alums! So my British humor is dated. I'm old. Sue me.) Angus Young complete with public school outfit as Judas. Xena is a puzzler. The obvious choice doesn't fit for me because I just can't imagine a Lucy Lawless Xena lacking self confidence. I'll settle for India de Beaufort's Aneka in her just-starting-out-in-the-heroine-bizz phase. (Obscure? Certainly. Look it up.) Bonsai is a squashed down and actual bonsai tree looking John Rhys-Davies Treebeard - only Davies is playing him while drunk off his ass.

Looking forward to more.

What? The battle itself? Oh, yes, well. I absolutely love the informal nature of the game. The inclusion of a silly variable is exactly the kind of thing the game needs to keep it fresh and fun and away from the dreaded realm of the ever-so-serious tournament format. Screw tournaments! This kind of stuff is FUN!
So it's no longer the BRB, now it's the DERB. (Digital Edition Rule Book) I am all in for 9th Age.
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

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Billthesurly wrote:Another amusing winner in the battle report category. And it doesn't hurt at all that I am now beginning to see actors in the parts - Graham Chapman and Terry Jones (in drag) as Mr. and Mrs. Leinster for instance. (Yes boys and girls, old Monty Python alums! So my British humor is dated. I'm old. Sue me.) Angus Young complete with public school outfit as Judas. Xena is a puzzler. The obvious choice doesn't fit for me because I just can't imagine a Lucy Lawless Xena lacking self confidence. I'll settle for India de Beaufort's Aneka in her just-starting-out-in-the-heroine-bizz phase. (Obscure? Certainly. Look it up.) Bonsai is a squashed down and actual bonsai tree looking John Rhys-Davies Treebeard - only Davies is playing him while drunk off his ass.

Looking forward to more.

What? The battle itself? Oh, yes, well. I absolutely love the informal nature of the game. The inclusion of a silly variable is exactly the kind of thing the game needs to keep it fresh and fun and away from the dreaded realm of the ever-so-serious tournament format. Screw tournaments! This kind of stuff is FUN!
Thanks Bill, it's downright amazing how you managed to get the casting supervision so dead on! I had never even heard of India de Beaufort but looking it up, she fits 100%. In fact, easily 120% as it's far better than the Lucy Lawless I envisaged myself =D
The Monty Python dragsters and John Rhys Davies are also excellent choices. For the Leinsters, I had obviously pictured the well known epic saga family of nearly the same name myself, but again, you're much funnier. Bonsai in my mind is/was a lot like the Blood Bowl Treeman, the really skinny tall and goofy looking one.

I'm actually writing these reports partly to point something out. See, Age of Sigmar is a big disappointment to me. It may be a decent game in itself, but it just doesn't fit any niche. Everything it does, other games do better. If I wanted a fast paced game with simple rules, I'd play Kings of War. If I wanted a skirmish game, I'd play WH40k or heck, even Mordheim or Blood Bowl. If I wanted to play some weird mix of fantasy/steampunk/horror or something, I'd play Malifaux.

People have been mentioning the high fantasy setting or the Ranked Mass Army system of WHFB. And those are things I'd miss. But there's a third aspect of WHFB that just doesn't get covered by any other game at all. And that's the zaniness. The game system has been made so complex and convoluted, with rules that are exceptions to other rules which themselves are exceptions as well ... that half of the fun in warhammer is just seeing ridiculous things happen. Which other game lets you have frenzied skirmishers, which move full speed towards the enemies but facing backwards, thus avoiding being forced to charge, like the ghosts in a Mario game? Which other game lets you conga line your monstrous infantry as a mobile cannonball shield? Which other game lets you reform your unit just so their location changes slightly so your character is in range to join them? And so on.

To me, warhammer, when played with the right mindset, is just a far better game to create memories. You can play Kings of War, Age of Sigmar, WH40k or anything else and have a good fun game, a challenge and a social event. But only warhammer has that kind of telling your mates about the ridiculous things that happened during the game, in the pub afterwards feeling.

Which is why I'm so keen to add things like the Leinsters. I am therefore, very grateful and happy that you enjoyed it =)
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

Post by Billthesurly »

You come close to getting my beef with AoS. It's not a mass combat wargame. What I mean is that it is supposed to be a one-to-one representation meaning one figure equals one fighting trooper. Now with WFB they SAID it was supposed to be one-to-one as well but that's not true. The game system was designed (and copied extensively) based on historical wargaming rules of the early eighties such as WRG 5th edition Ancients rules. In these systems each figure is supposed to represent 20 to 50 fighting troops. That explains the movement rules of tight, ranked units and measured turning arcs, lines of sight, charge arcs and so forth.

Here's what I really liked about WFB - take away everything fantastic about it and what do you have? You have an adequate Early Renaissance/Late Medieval, pike and shot wargame. Line up your Bretonians against your Empire armies, removing all things fantasy, and you have a more or less historical match-up that plays like a "realistic" historical wargame.

AoS is a skirmish game that is meant to be one figure equals one trooper and the movement rules reflect that. But that's not the kind of game I signed up for.
So it's no longer the BRB, now it's the DERB. (Digital Edition Rule Book) I am all in for 9th Age.
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

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Billthesurly wrote:You come close to getting my beef with AoS. It's not a mass combat wargame. What I mean is that it is supposed to be a one-to-one representation meaning one figure equals one fighting trooper. Now with WFB they SAID it was supposed to be one-to-one as well but that's not true. The game system was designed (and copied extensively) based on historical wargaming rules of the early eighties such as WRG 5th edition Ancients rules. In these systems each figure is supposed to represent 20 to 50 fighting troops. That explains the movement rules of tight, ranked units and measured turning arcs, lines of sight, charge arcs and so forth.

Here's what I really liked about WFB - take away everything fantastic about it and what do you have? You have an adequate Early Renaissance/Late Medieval, pike and shot wargame. Line up your Bretonians against your Empire armies, removing all things fantasy, and you have a more or less historical match-up that plays like a "realistic" historical wargame.

AoS is a skirmish game that is meant to be one figure equals one trooper and the movement rules reflect that. But that's not the kind of game I signed up for.
Ah Bill, we're just two grumpy old men, like Statler and Waldorf (there actually used to be a guy with him as an avatar here as well right? I always found that cute to have the pair around). But I follow your reasoning and I just don't see myself getting into AoS. In fact, that's even disregarding the entire GW customer soul quenching policy. I mean, which company releases new rulebooks at a total sum of 200$ or such, knowing it will be obsolete in six months' time. Tons of miniatures, only as a quick last cash-grab, already on their way out now. Yeah sure, there was fluff too, but on that regard, while the story itself might have been good, the actual writing was painfully bad.

So if you ever need a WHFB opponent after everyone has moved on, I'll be here mate =)
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Re: Bonsai the Great and his whacky adventures

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Battle 2: Tactical Ponderations

You know that when people start an evaluation with "it was fun", that not much good can come from it.
So it is here as well. While the battle was hilarious at times, I feel the reader with an itch for tactical prowess will have been sorely disappointed.
In short, I played this one quite poorly, I feel.

The fact that I completely tabled the opposing army had to do with two things then. One, the dice were heavily in my favour again. And two, the High Elves also made some capital mistakes.

So since it's always interesting to learn from mistakes, let's run over those:

Deployment

While the wood elven army was deployed somewhat coherently, apart from maybe the eagle being on the wrong side (I think it could have gone up behind the warhawks, to ensure at least one of the two would get to the bolt thrower), I have my doubts about the High Elves. The Lions were facing the Glade Guard, but took far too long to get there. Moreover, they are excellently suited to fight the rangers, having S6, not suffering from the loss of ASF and being stubborn as well.
I think it would have been better to switch the White Lions with the Silver Helms, who would be much better suited to take out the Glade Guard. Of course, they'd have to face some Searing Doom, but you can't have it all. I guess they were putting their trust in a boosted amber spear to take out Bonsai, but that was far from reliable, as was proven in the game.
I also think that putting one character (probably the BsB) into the Silver Helms was essential to keep them viable as a fighting unit. The general-prince could indeed (in these conditions) fight on his own

Warhawks

Time and time again, I overestimate the combat ability of the Warhawks. The charge against the archers was complete folly and I fully deserved the punishment I got from it. I had far too few wounds to survive the stand and shoot. Moreover, the entire plan was a suicide bet to assassinate the enemy spellcaster, but this was also wishful thinking. On paper, the damage output of the warhawks looks fine. In reality, the hawks themselves don't have ASF and so strike last. The riders on the other hand, have the profile of a regular elf. If they were elite (like WS5 or maybe S4 or A2. Any of those, really), they'd pack more of a punch. But as it is, you get 1 attack from your rider, with your opponent striking simultaneously. This means that chances are, your hawks won't even be alive anymore to strike back. Which is a pity because they do have some nice abilities (A2, AP, KB, ...).
You really feel the lack of armour here.
To resume, never use warhawks on their own to charge anything more than pure chaff. Even if it theoretically gives you a chance to assassinate an important character. I should have flown to the bolt thrower and after taking that out, provided flank or rear support to whatever was needed

High Elf General

The biggest mistake the High Elves made, in my opinion, was to have their general, kitted out for killing treemen by negating Thunderstomp, having WS7, S7 and a 4++ ward save, get tarpitted by the wildwood rangers. With +1 rank, a banner and musician, the prince was mathematically automatically losing combat until he managed to get rid of Xena. Suddenly, the almost 300 points character was stuck fighting a 125 points hero. And with glittering scales and a 3+ ward save the first (and third) round of combat had it quite hard for him to do so. So he was at constant risk of running, not something your double valued character should fear. Moreover, while the shadowdancer is great at the stalling game, she packs a lot of venom also. No character should feel comfortable going eye to eye and toe to toe against cheap assassins. In the end, they killed each other, which was really lucky from a dramatic perspective. But tactically, it was definitely a victory for me =)

Scouts

A unit of five scouts is negligible in the grand scale of things. But for 80 points (65 if you take out the magic arrows), you really get a bargain from them. They are hard to pin down and divert psychological attention. They march block and can change your opponents plans. And with the TF arrows, they are always hitting on 3+ which synergises really well with their mobility. I know most people prefer hagbane arrows on them, but I just don't find those sixes reliable enough. I'd rather use the warhwaks (when I'm not foolishly forgetting the plan), glade riders and eagles to take out the warmachines. Keep the scouts potshotting and being annoying. Anyways, they felt like the MvP in this game for me, at least in points invested versus return.

The Leinsters

I really think the addition of something goofy like this helps the game. It creates fun around the board. Think about it. The entire scatter thing could have meant they'd have moved away from both armies in turn one and just kept on spending the entire game far off in the distance. Impact on the game? Nothing. But just imagine how much fun it can be to laugh about it with your opponent, having them scatter nowhere important yet again. Warhammer is a game of fun and I feel they really added to that. Of crouse, their homemade rules had a completely unexpected effect on the game. Without having intended to be so, they turned out to be perfect single character hunters. Having combat decided only on static resolution meant that Bonsai had no way of winning against them. Of course, I still had to fail the LD9 test to really make the scene complete, but isn't that amazing? When you are actively hoping to fail a leadership test just because it would add to the drama?
Of course, at that point the game was pretty much over with. Had I failed the LD test in turn 2, I may not have been as happy with the result. But I am definitely going to abuse the heck out of Bonsai running away from some pedestrian lowlifes in the narrative onwards.

Anyways, I hope to have game three somewhere this weekend, more fun to be had next week!
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